colbie cailat - falling for u**

oh my, this song is somehow reminds me of the feelings i once had not long ago, since such many years. n this feelings really are into me so badly.. i wont and will not goin to deny it.. its so meaningful and sweet. i love the music n the lyrics. cos somehow its a message towards myself to him. but, since things like this wont b happening at all. then, i might as well jus take it easy. as long, we are still frens. i dont mind cos im not desperate any how, eventho, i finally found one special person into my life.

but, i always believe the word "fate" as to force someone to be in a relationship with u somehow seems cheap n desperate. im neither one of it.. n being single doesnt mean its such a sad life either. somehow, it mayb fun either. as u able to look at so many kinds of guys which u never met b4..

I don't know, but I think I may be fallin' for you
Droppin' so quickly, maybe I should keep this to myself
Wait until I know you better

I am tryin' not to tell you, but I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hidin' what I'm feelin'
But I'm tired of holdin' this inside my head

I've been spendin' all my time just thinkin' 'bout you
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waitin' all my life, and now I found you
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

As I'm standin' here, and you hold my hand
Pull me towards you, and we start to dance
All around us, I see nobody
Here in silence, it's just you and me

I am tryin' not to tell you, but I want to
I'm scared of what you'll say
So I'm hidin' what I'm feelin'
But I'm tired of holdin' this inside my head

I've been spendin' all my time just thinkin' 'bout you
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waitin' all my life, and now I found you
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you

Oh, I just can't take it, my heart is racin'
Emotions keep spinnin' out

I've been spendin' all my time just thinkin' 'bout you
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you
I've been waitin' all my life, and now I found you
I don't know what to do, I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you, I think I'm fallin' for you

I can't stop thinkin' 'bout it, I want you all around me
And now I just can't hide it, I think I'm fallin' for you
I can't stop thinkin' 'bout it, I want you all around me
And now I just can't hide it, I think I'm fallin' for you
I'm fallin' for you, oh, oh, oh, no, no, oh, oh, oh, oh
Oh, I'm fallin' for you

sumtyms, being here. i really feel like a small little gal. i really wish i cud change my age. change into a younger gal once again.. haha.. how envy of those young gals.. n so many good looking n adorable guys.. haha.. i feel so bad.. yes! yes!! i noe bout it. thats y, there's an emotion called self control.. haha.. u control ur feelings. but, guess it never will occured to me that i'll get attracted to the young guy here.. my goodness! i feel so awful.. haha.. oh, i somehow.. i only remember wondering how strong will his arm be.. he's such a good swimmer.. so strong n fast. hehe... now i really even such slut now.. haha.. but, since guys oso born to look at gals.. so y cant gals too. n im jus looking anyway, its not like i'll be dating him.. i'm still conscious of my own age.. haha..

but, to say again. to date kl guys is a dangerous step.. the guys here is not really the type that will suit me either.. im a old fashion type of gal.. still nt too old.. haha.. i love healthy guys. i love broad shoulder guys. i love a guy can make me laugh too. i love to have lots of conversation with him. i love to have so much things which u will be very very hard to find. so, mayb tats y i always end up having rotten relationship. a guy who doesnt smoke, but drinks n broad shoulders, horny, flirting with every gals. then, a guy who is non smoking, non drinking, skinny, then a very terrifying father who always looking at u with the eyes of money. then a guy who drinks n smoke n wasting money, n thinks like a kid. n his fren, a guy who is healthy n workaholic n single n healthy who is not bad either (but he's more likely a kl guy since he's been studyin here n working here) another guy who is healthy, non smoker, non drinker n a broad shoulder, he's perfect. but he's jus not mine. haha.. then a fren, who i think he mayb take me as a replacement of his last gf.. n no matter how good he treated me. i have to cxl him out too. cos he smokes, n drinks n im not the person to replace ur last gf. as, i never will take anyone as his replacement, eventho how good is the person.. mayb to think now. i may regret but i still i leave it to fate. lastly, a guy who is a stranger, barely know him is oso a fren too..

sometimes, i feel like i have so many guys in my life. its enjoying to tok bout it at times.. but mostly, im jus hoping to enjoy life now.. all i really care more.. i miss my daddy, my mummy, my 3 brothers.. i miss them till i feel so lonely at times.. seeing my classmates go back to be with their family every weekend, is the best moment.. n that is the moment, i really feel even more envy..

time, is flying fast. i can sniff the route of goin home soon.. cos being here.. 1 month is wat.. there's no more called enuf time. cos time is never enuf at all, when it comes to work, study, love, cleaning, eating, exercising, n etc... give me the power of controlling over time time time.. n freeze it the moment i says freeze..

.

wat a dinner?!

tonight, can say is the best dinner.. i had my dinner at this enquiry kitchen, in pyramid. i gotten to eat tofu, chicken, long bean vege, lian-o soup n a fried dumplings.. oh such a nice dinner. n summore another dessert of green tea icecream.. ooo soo nice.. olright, i noe its fat. but, nevermind lar. once a while. (im dieting, swimming directly starting tomolo) y?! because my relatives came here for business trip.. so, they came over n look for me to take me out for dinner.. seeing them here, i feel so happy too. its almost like looking at my parents n sisters.. the feelings are so so nice n warm.. n how i wish my parents are here too.. n mayb i'll cry again.

but, anyway i was feed with 1.2bowl of rice.. n the vege n chicken, dumpling.. they keep putting all the foods into my plate.. my goodness.. haha.. but, it was nice.. n its like so suddenly, the whole night i feel like i cant stop talking.. n listening them toking bout my parents in miri there.. i feel so excited to noe more bout their activities.. haha.. n then some of the news tat happenned in miri.. haha.. then, we tok bout how old tat we are growing. n everyone is goin to their separate lives sooner.. summore, my cousin is goin to be marry soon.. his wedding will be held on the september 9th.. i wonder, wonder.. will i be coming back? im still not sure.. cos around that month.. i mayb having exam seasons once again.. n i get to be reminded im old by my cuzzie.. okay thats bad.. coming here, i really trying to hide my age.. as its really making feel so old d. haha.. i only get to be a little younger when im with my frens together.

i wish to go home sooner.. but, goin home means, i have to face lots of stress.. rite now.. there's another 5 more weeks to go that i'll face my real final exams.. as my good teacher is reminding us everyday whenever we attended her class.. she's good in nervous my body system.. n im very scare n worry that i'll disappoint my parents.. so, im in such a very nervous n excited moment.. its like im stuck.. how i wish i can freeze time.. to be home to c my parents but dont feel like goin home to face exams..

The night out..

last month, i stayed home mostly without goin anywhere besides jus forcing myself study n study until i feel sick.. plus like i said i injured my leg because of wearing high heels.. therefore, unable to swim or any exercise.. so, i became lazy n feeling fat.. cos i ate a lot of junk food.. for my revision period. i was in stressed moment. n jus today, i finally found out. when u are "STRESSED" wat should you do to less down ur STRESSED... well, y dont u try to spell "stressed" backwardly n u will noe the answer? haha..

anyway, last sat.. i went out with my frens, wee ai n ava. i tot i'll be only meeting the 2gals. i dint realised we are meeting john n trey too. noone told me bout we are hanging out the night.. i ended up dressing nicely, but its wat i like to wear for now. a long sleeve green colour, with a purple scarf with me, n a short pants plus slippers.. i think its quite casual n nice, n i loved it. but, with john together. i'll always get teased n being made fun around, no matter wat.. he hold my scarf n said he has such expensive dog to carry around. haha.. but, i was happy tho. n that night, i felt like i cant stop laughing too. hmmm.. wondering, issit because i eaten too much chocolate cake.. b4, hanging out with my frens.. i was getting emotional, because somehow, i started to think of home. thinking of my mum, i really miss her a lot.. thinking of my dad. i miss him too. but, thinking of him, it stressed me out too.. n all i can think of, i have to faster finish n pass with good grades.. n all i felt is the burden within me, inside me. n i feel bit torturing too.. i feel like im stuck inside me.. but, luckily, that night my fren takes me out.. n its always will lighten most of my heart. i felt so happy being with them...

these pictures had been taken for quite few years ago n it was on my birthday... haha.. i think, i may needed a new group photo picture to be taken once again. when all of us are able to gather once again.. i really missed the old times..









wee ai is a person who sumtyms, i felt comfortable to be hang out. she can be sarcastic at times, n a lioness who will slowly catch her prey... n u wont even noe when u r dead on her hands. haha.. as long u dont step on her tail, u will be fine.. haha.. but, deep deep down inside her heart. she has a lovely n caring heart for her family, frens n especially animals... n she's definitely a animal lover..

ava is a person who i think is the most intelligent gal. she's very motivated n very ambitious too. but, she's not as fierce as wee ai. but, when she is really angry.. well, she can be very direct n u r dead on the spot.. she loves cats more than dog. but, still she ended buying a dog instead of a cat, as (jokes: she tot the pekinese dog was a cat) haha..

john is a very humour guy.. eventho, he loves to bully n tease me. i noe inside of his heart. he takes care of me too.. haha.. he seems to noe wat happen to me. n surprisingly, he will buy the protection of leather liners for my high heels so i wont injured my leg once again. haha.. but, it was his partner who gave it to me.. but, eventho.. he mayb wat i think he is.. he's a good fren n a good brother too. he's the type of a very socialise ppl.. to me, i think he's social network is really very very wide.

efan is a guy who u can ask for advise too.. n he's a guy who loves to travel around n without notifying ppl one.. n when he does.. it will be like a last minute. n u will feel like hitting him more often for not telling u earlier.. haha.. he's a great fren n another brother too.. haha

as for ting huat or as i love to call him as matrix. which i forgotten wat is the reason behind this. but, it has been my nickname for him since we started to be frens.. haha.. this guy, is oso like a brother to me. but then, since he has married. we cannot be as close anymore. cos it seems to create jealousy n hatred between his wife to me.. n because of that, i hardly dare to hang out with him unless, all my gang frens are here with me.

siew ling, is a fren which i known as the quiet one n the intelligent gal too. but, now she's married to kang yang n now oso with a new baby gal. a new life has created for her.. n i happy for her.

yoke fong, well.. she's known as our big sister. but, due to her quarrel with wee ai during the uni's problem. our gang is kind of split.. the 4 of us, wee ai, siew lin, yoke fong n myself, we have been sisters since prime college. now, we sort of less hanging out in together.. but more to individualism.. well, she oso has changed, n changes into a much pretty gal now.. at least, she starts to take caring of herself..

all of these frens had been with me n it almost a decade now.. n i felt happy too. true frens are really hard to find nowadays.. im glad, i've founded them. eventho, i ended up gettin bully or teasing by them. i felt happy. cos deep deep down inside my heart. everyone is always take caring of me. i jus feel like a small sister to them. oh well, im still the youngest in the gang. but, except for ting huat.. haha.. eventho, im older than him. he always wanting to act more mature than me. well, i'll jus give him one credit, as he has an earlier marriage than me. haha.. anyway, the night out with them.. its always the most happiest time. i can be more like myself.. plus its so funny when they tell me that i had been stayed in jailed. wee ai tell john that she bring me out last week.. then john says, u bring her eat is ching ming. but the night, that he bring me out, is ghost festival.. haha..

Flowers

i have always wanted to tok bout flowers for so long.. because flower is the most beautiful nature in the whole world.. flowers brings pleasure, happiness, and it beautifies the nature with their own colours.. last but not least, it brings meaningful of joyous to us, human beings, no matter we are rich or poor. we able to decorate the our places with flowers. the pictures that i have uploaded is known as the flowering waterfall n it is also the most beautiful flower nature that i ever seen.. it was fwd by my father. n i really loved it.. Sometimes, the reason y i love to go travelling.. its had always been the environment, the nature of flowers n trees, the buildings.. but most importantly, it had always been the colours of the world..

Looking at the flowers cheers me up. it calms my heart with the feeling of being cool, loving, n sweet. it makes me feel like dancing, running around it, lying down on it.. n it is the only time when i feel beautiful, girlish, free, n healthy. but of course, timing muz always be right.. i remember the time, i was in perth.. it was the season of autumn to spring. where the flowers are all growing. the weather is still bit cool cool not to hot. n it was the most beautiful time that i had ever seen. n that is where i start to realised that i started to take photos of myself with flowers next to me.. n my brothers who never understands love to critisize me n forbid me taking photos again with the flowers.. as from that moment on, i always love to take photos with flowers. haha..

the flowers that i fallen in love with are tulips. the first time, that i seen a gal gotten her birthday for tulips.. i had fallen in love with tulips. it was white colour. it was so sweet.. i do not noe the meaning of tulips like as roses which shown the love of a guy to a gal. to me, i guessed i wud still prefer tulips. cos its white colour of petal beautifies of the heart and it is pure as an angel. n the colour of its leafs are long n green that shows how young u r. n there's no thorn at all.. sumtyms, i wud imagine myself having 8 tulips of flowers. n wearing white dresses..walking around the beaches taking photos.. haha..

-05.04.2011-

A Sweet Home

Sometimes, i feel so tired n tired being here.. because i cannot longer feel the feeling of wat is home now.. it almost feels like ages staying here without family staying by urside.. i really miss home now. A home is a home where i can stay comfortable, happy, tidiness.. a place where u dont feel disgusted because u do clean up everyday. u clear all the dusts, the toilets, the dishes, the floor, n everything.. n i miss all of it.. n where u will save all the electricity bills. n where u can seated on the sofa with the people that u care so badly, watching movies together, or chit chatting or anything.. Besides that, u get to do the cooking n eat somethin which we called as nourishment.. i happened 2be missing all of that now.. The things around here is not always as cozy n happy either.. sometimes, i feel so disappointed n unbearable.. i cant find anyone to nag bout the problems of our environment, the house, everything. My parents always teach me how to be helpful, n tidy up the place around.. n yeah, i feel like i had been doin that for almost few months now. im tired n gettin very tired. therefore, i do not want to care anymore. i do not want to bother anymore.. n this had created a habit of letting it to be like this. n now the place has become so disgusted n i no longer feel like doin anything or cooking or anymore.. everyone has limit.. n my limit is done.. rite now is 730pm, im still in schol writing blog. im tired n my head hurts a lot too. n still i dont feel like goin home. summore, im stressing here, because i had been watching movies n playing like 4days now.. n i feel like i dint bother to study at the moment. so, im stressing.. my mock exam is on the end of april.. n i feel like i not yet started my revision again.. i can feel the tension around me everyday.. n its growing n growing..

-05.04.2011-

the feelings..

all my life, i never understand the feeling of worrying.. as, i never seem to understand that y my parents always concern bout me. where am i? wat kind of frens that im hanging out with? asking me all sorts of questions which i feel like " pls stop asking me, already! " i tot i always noe wat im doin. but, seems like. no matter how old u have grown, 30, or 40 or 50.. u will never stops become their little babies.

n i finally understands this now. i started to realise this feelings of my parents towards me or my brothers towards me. caring , worrying over u. n because of this, they will scold u. shout at u. n i feel like i no longer feel sad anymore, when they scold me.. n to9 gettin scolded by my dad for my stupid naive that i had.. i feel bad n worried bout my consequences.. n yes, mayb he had loud voice on me to9.. i feel bad but i understand wat is he tryin to tell me.

but, when i later received an sms from him, i was in shocked. cos he wud never admit if he toks bit harsh.. im not sure.. but, he tells me that he dint mean to tok such loud voice me. he is jus tryin to tell me the fact bout my doings is very dangerous n its not secure at all. n i noe he is right. i feel bit touch n wanted to cry. haha.. cos i noe my dad always cared for me the most compared to my brothers.. but, we hardly really communicate too. cos sumtyms, there's jus nth to tok bout. but, mayb my leaving miri is a start to realise the importance of family..

n now being the eldest here.. i noe wat's the feeling of take caring of the ppl u starting to care n worry bout.. haha.. n i starting to remember bout my parents.. n i finally understands now.. haha.. but, all these feelings have to be stop at the moment.. as, if i dont stop.. i think i may go crazy.. i cannot think too much anymore, as i have so many things tat i need to worry. i cannot keep on continuing to worry bout more than i have now.. cos i can feel the burden which is increasing n increasing on me..

but, still i had one incredible breakfast for the day.. my room mate n i take an early walk to pyramid jus to grab Mc D's breakfast at 830am. such an early morning to go to pyramid. cos, we can buy RM5 to get free 2breakfast meals.. eggs, burger, hash brown** yummy yummy!! we have to be fast b4 the queue is very very long.. cos she had an early class. n i had an exam in the noon.. i need to be in the library whole morning.

n finally finishin my 2nd progress test that i had.. eventho, i think i may not do so well. but, i still can feel the hope within me. im sure, i able to do well in the mock exam. as, i will keep on putting more effort until finals.. im not the type so easily give up especially on my studies.. haha. mayb sumtyms, i may jus nag around by simply saying to let go. but, study is study.. study is never give up. if give up, means lose future..

lastly, i feel so bad too. as i cant believe this year.. i seem to forget my family member's birthday.. i never had such a forgetful mind on my family member's birthday. but, this year.. i seem to forget n i need someone's phone call to remind me.. oh dear!! im such a bad daughter, sister..

but, i miss my family as always..

-31.03.2011-

earth hour

today, is oso a day for me to take my time to really swim. as, i havent been swimming for almost a week plus now, since i injured my leg.. n it started to recover. n because i had eaten too much food inside my stomach without burning all the fats for like almost few days now.. summore, today i had my lunch at bout 3 together with my housemates. we went to eat McD?! haha.. i've ordered a double Mc chicken deluxe.. really OMG!! haha.. but, now. i really think. its not worth to even ordered the double burger. it quite expensive.. yeah, it sort of have 2 pieces burger. but, its small size. if, u really made the comparison. the normal Mc chicken deluxe it has bigger size.

that's why, i have to force myself swim.. n i did. i swim 8laps with 35mins.. haha.. it was cool.. swimming is fun, seeing all those cute little kids.. how adorable they are..

anyway, 2hours and half ago.. my housemates n i were switching off our lights.. to enjoy an hour of earth hour. then, we were lighting all our rooms n units with candle lights everywhere.. it was such beautiful n sweet n of course romantic moments too.. that get us thinking of having it another time during mooncake festival.. haha..

then, later around midnight.. the whole building went out of electricity.. im not sure, whether the owner of the building oso wanna play earth hour. n we ended up playing the 2nd time. while this time, its like so worst. cos we wanted to sleep. n it happenned jus like this. summore, there's no wind at all.. sooo hot.. i d oledy went to take 2nd bath.. haha.. but, luckily, the electricity got back jus in time. n we finaaly ZZzzzz... XD

-26.03.2011-