Today is Valentine. N wat is so great bout Valentine. To me, its celebrating with my loves one. N of course hoping another love surprises. As, i believe myself to be a very romantic person. But every year, the expectations getting no more. First valentine of 2014, at least i gotten a handmade rose. Eventho, there's no real flower. Bcos its a surprises. Therefore, its okies. and I remember i was away for at least 2 weeks. I was happy to see him.
Second valentine of 2015, n again. i ask, where is my flowers? REal Flowers are expensive. and he made 2nd roses to add in my valentine pot.
Third valentine of 2016, which was last year. another handmade rose again. But, being force only, den he bought a bunch of fake flowers of roses to me.
Year End of 2016, was my marriage n wedding to him and thats the only time tat i get to receive two bouquets of flowers from him, which is our wedding registered. and our actual wedding ceremony day it self.
N this year 2017, Eventho he mention that, this year no more valentine day as we will spend our money to our trip. I was hoping, he still gave me the surprises that i hope. But, in d end there is none. Not, even 1 flower.
Actually, I tot i can handle the dissapointment well. however, i cant. I still end up crying silently. How i wish, he just be like other guys, other ppl husband. but, he's none the above lists.
Other ppl husband will buy chocolates for his wife. Other husband will surprise their wife or girlfren with flowers. Other husband will take his wife to fancy restaurant. Even poor husband able to buy a flower for their wife to show his love to him. Our live, not even poor nor rich, I wanted one as well. But, very unfortunate, my life is very very funny. I cannot have it.
To him, its a wasteful of money. To me, its just a love and surprises of i love you. or He doesnt have the heart to even surprises me. Maybe im not so important to him at all.
Maybe my brother was right.. I havent widen my connection to other people. N now its too late to change.
Probably, i will just end up like my mother, Our lives will neither be happy nor unhappy. Maybe I just dont have the live of wat i dreamt of. It will just be another life to pass on, move on. In d end, I will jus live a life and it will become forgotten one day. Because there is no memories..... The memories that i had, it was already all stolen away from me and it will probably never ever come back ever again..
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