the 5th day back in miri

today is the 5th day in miri.. n the first gang frens that i had met is adrian they all. n this is all efan's fault.. haha.. but, im glad to c them n of course feeling excitement n scary to c them either. i can felt that night, i feel my hand cannot stop shaking.. n i noe wat's goin on. im scared to c him again, eventho i feel very curious how he had been all these months time. i feel there's a small fate between us, whenever i come back.. he's the first person among all my frens that will bump into me. the last time, i tot i wont be seeing him again during cny.. he's the first guy i bump into when im back in miri, n now.. if isnt efan to make me go for the gathering. he is still the first guy that i bump into.. cos i met him in parkson.. so, is this a small fate..

then, both of my arms now starting to itch.. i think its really the stupid lotion fault.. damn. now i deserve an itch.. my thigh is oso itching but its not worse than both my arms.. another week time, i'll be having my exams soon.. i feel like omg!!! but, still at times i feel like im slacking.. my goodness.. as my hair stops dropping now.. i feel happy d.. u will not know how i feel during in kl. i lose tons of hair everytime.. i feel so scary.. =( n now coming back, i have to buy all sorts of hair tonic to rescue my hair..

anyway, have to force myself go back to study d.. dont think too much oso..


29.05.2011

9 more days

today's date is 15th of may. there will be 9 more days to go that i'll be heading home.. so wishing that i will be home now. but the problem is going home means exam is coming soon.. n sometime, it is so annoying to think bout it. i feel like i have not prepare enough, n I'm going home.. this feeling of me right now, is really like those Japanese soldiers are heading to war very soon.. planning n how to fight this war. if, they cannot win, how r they going to go back n face their families and their countries.. n that is what I'm thinking right now.. i have not prepared enuf.. n i feel I'm hanging just there. i feel stress. n time is flying fast, n I'm helpless.. its like, its not enuf.. i feel shitty. n here I'm writing blog to express myself.

at times, i feel like doing something, which i do not feel like doing. but, to think once again. its not worth. cos what i wanted to do, its a definite wasting my time more n more than i can ever bear. so, how stress, how shitty, how in-tolerate i am to myself, i will just to have bear it and continued on my studies and revision..

this time, i really put more effort than what i had in my previous times. but, i know that it still not enough, cos i feel like i just cannot stick all the information into my head. to think about it, i feel like i am going crazy at times.. because i will not fail again. I'm no longer working. I have more time than i have compared to previously. n to think again, i do not know where my time had gone too..

life sucks n sucks n sucks...


-15.05.2011-

my last F4 class

today was my last class with my teacher.. all of my years, i hardly can feel so close with my teacher.. even now, there are some of the teachers, i dont feel the sincere of buying them a card. but just her, who gave me such a heart that i never have a teacher that can make me feel so motivated n gratitude of wat she had given me.. i usually feel negative at times.. when i feel so stupid n not as clever.. but, she jus motivated us n never give up on us.. she's really did her best n put in real effort on us.

but, wat had happened today, is the best funniest sincere day of my life. im not sure, wat the others are thinking. but, its wat myself thought too. at least, i noe i have the heart of making everyone laughin at times when i get to noe u more better.. n this is wat happen today.. haha.. today, is my last class for my F4, business law with my teacher, Ms Kemalatha. i never feel or anything to buy anything special for my teacher all these time.. n she's my first teacher, that i sincerely wanted to let her noe that i care, n i appreciate n feel gratitude of wat she had provide for us.. n i thanked her for this semester. i bought her a card of thank you. its not expensive, but its a sincere from me n my classmates, as they wanted to join in either. therefore, i gave her as our sincere.

today onwards, it will be my motivation n a memory of happiness.. but, anyway. i cant believe wat i had did, but it sort of automatically out of nowhere.. she forgotten one last important topic to us.. but, she couldnt say out.. n i sort of automatically, pointing to my teacher n i said.. i noe... n i blurted out half pointing n say its termination of agency.. haha.. n she was like in shock smilin at me n said yes, termination of agency.. haha.. n all of the class are like laughing.. haha.. my fren, amy. she said i shud put my other hand on my hips n pointing tat will be adorable.. haha..

n i cant stop smiling when i walk back from school. cos i feel happy. n i feel sad too, that the class is ending jus like this.. but still its the most wonderful subjects tat i ever been thru.. haha.. XD


-07.05.2011-

beauty colour of the skies

wat do i love most, being here? the time when i got back from school around 6sth.. or when i was inside the pool. then, the temperature of the water in the pool is warm.. or floating on top of the pool to feel the wind blowing my face. looking at the colour of the sky is the mixture of blue yellow orange red.. the angelic birds flying on top of you.. n hearing the sound of the wind n my hair flying over here n there. breathing really hard with the air all around me. if i ever owned myself the swimming pool. i would have light all the candles all around the pool.. it feels so so specially romantic. n drinking wine chit chatting, enjoying the views, stars all around.. haha..

this is jus one of a picture which i upload as an example to describe bout my feelings for it.. to watch skies colour with the wind blowing on ur face, is jus jus so much temptation of relaxation n the feeling or romantic being with urself. but, of course.. if its possible being together with the person that you love, it wud be much more appreciate n grateful.

how long, can we really enjoy in this world. there's always not much time for us, human to really c how much beautiful is the world to us. we are jus like a visitor to them, even tho we are borned in this place. but our age cud no longer reach more than 100. its a very seldom sums for ppl to able to live this long. therefore, we shud always cherish the time we have n remember it that we enjoyed n cherish watever we had. romantic, sadness, happiness, cruelty n etc is just what we had to go thru.

-05.05.2011-

in the mood of love***

these 2 days, my feelings of after watching "Lost in Austen", is really increasing my mode of love so badly. i feel so touch by the love in the stories. i cried so much of their love for each other. this is called Love.. i believe one day i'll always find my own prince charming.. haha.. but, unfortunately i dont think my prince charming is even exists in this world.. i feel like its somewhere somewhere far far n mostly it will always only going to be found in the stories where it will happened only in the hundred years ago.. cos those centuries, the guys will be only have the heart of loyalty, sincere, courteous, n love..

when i was young, i read lots lots of love stories bout life of centuries ago. living in the lives of where they sells cattles, being the thieves, living so freely in the forest, time travel, n etc.. the books that caught my attention is always the part of time travel where the modern gal was bring back to the past by this ghost to save another man from making mistakes tat he is goin to make.. in the beginning, its always the curiousity, untrustable of the man about the woman, then the expression of madness, angry, different of opinions, then the understanding, caring and love in the end..

i always love the character of the man inside the story book.. it is always describe with the guy has a broad shoulder, handsome, hardworking, powerful, able to protect a woman from danger. sometimes, the character of the man can be such playboy, but when it comes to the time of meeting the woman that he wants, he's heart only turns toward her. it is also another way round where the man is known as the lord, where he is a gentleman, serious, courteous, respectability for every woman.

whereas the character of a woman carries the description as pretty and beautiful, with a nice body, the perfect dress code, the way their hair works, n the way their behave.. its so much unlike where now the societies works.. n its amazing. sometimes, i myself would feel that i love the life inside the story books better.. n if only i know how to write, if only my English is better, if only im good in imagination stories.

but the part that always make me feel so sweet, so so much in love is when the man finally admits his love affection towards her, when he can no longer hold back his love for her. n being the stupid pig who only realized his love for her had been growing each day by day. n only get to realized it, when he is going to lose her. but, when he confess, he proposed with such a lovely words that it just carve in it to u.. " I LOVE YOU " what twilight stories of the vampire n human, the angel n human, i think the best love story in the end, is still the love human between human?

"not one heart beat had i forget" such a lovely words that it burned my heart so badly till i cry with tears beginning to drop when he written the note for her. where he grab the paper so strong during his sleeps, scared that he will lost her forever.. it so so romantic. i feel like i can just keep on watching n watching the movie non stop. i feel like living inside the stories more than in the realistic world. i feel like reading my story book non stops too.. n in the end, when he smiles at her. no more the angry expression, no more quarrel. it is just the best, the sweetest, the happiest love story ever.. i loved it. i wanna thank you my room mate, helena for letting me to watch this love story. its the best ever type of love story book. n it made me fall in love with the stories..


-01.05.2011-